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[12 Nov 2007|02:30pm] |
I guess Marc and Bjoern officially hate me now. Or at least, they do not want to stay in contact. And although it maybe should not bother me, it in fact does. I was pretty sure to see at least marc again. But obviously, I won't. hm.
still sick. by now I have needles sticking in my back, am taking the fourth kind of pills and still not feeling better. hail acupuncture and homeopathy. or at least, I hope so. whatever. fuck that. it's not my lungs, it's nothing in my throat, but something in my body is not feeling good. and unfortunately, nobody knows exactly what it is. argh. damn it.
boyfriend, pleeeeaaaaseee?
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| of loosing and finding |
[30 Oct 2007|02:33pm] |
I'm finding myself doing a couple of things I shouldn't be doing.
Thinking about how to get a boyfriend. There is this really cool and absolutely cute guy on dev.art, we kinda had contact for very short and got along well, but the moment I found out he had a girlfriend today he died for me. But on the other hand, Marc caring for me is bothering me a lot, although I am looking for a male person to love. I just do not have any feelings for him, I guess that's it.
Also, I am thinking about next summer. Scandinavia most likely won't work. Thats the fact. But there is still the summer afterwards, assumed that sarah and I won't loose contact. I really hope this won't happen. I am planning stuff for next summer. For the trip. This means it won't work. I am planning to see cassie, to go hiking in the rockies, to meet my andrews again. Planning makes happy, but the result is never good.
My portfolio bothers me. I have a lot of good ideas for pictures. But as I am not going for photography any more, I need more than just pictures. I need scraps. Interior design stuff. Real paintings. And I am not good in painting. Damn this. Creativity, please come back wherever you are hiding.
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[28 Oct 2007|05:29pm] |
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bored as hell. a lot to do. I need a boyfriend, but there isn't anybody suitable. I miss wiesbaden. and I miss (yes, I am finally gonna say that now, although I do not want it to be true) sean. fuck that. It's gonna leave tomorrow again, but right now I want to have a boyfriend. whether it is sean or somebody else (in this case, somebody a lot better) i don't care. give me someone I can express my love with (grammatically correct sentence? no, never) bored. I like my route for next year. and my belly hurts.
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| life and everything. |
[28 Oct 2007|11:49am] |
new route for my summer. I am also going to apply for an internship in new york, but I guess my chances are quite low. so here is the ultimate (and most likely the final route) for my summer trip through the states.
day one. frankfurt-montreal
day two. montreal
day three. montreal
day four. montreal-new york city
day five. new york city
day six. new york city
day seven. new york city-buffalo/niagara falls
day eight. buffalo/niagara falls-cleveland
day nine. cleveland-pittsburgh
day ten. pittsburgh
day eleven. pittsburgh-washington dc
day twelve. washington dc-charlottesville
day thirdteen. charlottesville-cincinnati
day fourteen. cincinnati
day fiveteen. cincinnati-indianapolis
day sixteen. indy
day seventeen. indy-chicago
day eighteen. chicago
day nineteen. chicago-memphis
day twenty. memphis
day twenty-one. memphis-new orleans
day twenty-two. new orleans
day twenty-three. new orleans-houston
day twenty-four. houston
day twenty-five. houston
day twenty-six. houston-san antonio
day twenty-seven. san antonio
day twenty-eight. san antonio-denver (by plane)
day twenty-nine. denver
day thirty. denver
day thirty-one. denver (incl. some hiking through rockies)
day thirty-two. denver
day thirty-four. denver-salt lake city (by plane)
day thirty-five. salt lake city
day thirty-six. salt lake city-los angeles (by plane)
day thirty-seven. los angeles
day thirty-eight. los angeles (hello venice beach!!!)
day thirty-nine. los angeles (and hello to disney-land, twenty century fox studios, hollywood and whatever else)
day fourty. los angeles-santa barbara (hello beach)
day fourty-one. santa barbara
day fourty-two. santa barbara-guadalupe (hello more beach!)
day fourty-three. guadalupe
day fourty-four. guadalupe-san francisco
day fourty-five. san francisco
day fourty-six. san francisco
day fourty-seven. san francisco-portland (plane??)
day fourty-eight. portland
day fourty-nine. portland-seattle
day fifty. seattle
day fifty-one. seattle
day fifty-two. seattle-vancouver
day fifty-three. vancouver
day fifty-four. vancouver
day fifty-five. vancouver-frankfurt
so much to that. It's the first time I am acutally counting the days and wow, thats long. nearly two months. I am either gonna have to cut down to go to scandinavia afterwards or I have to talk to sarah. but I want to do the scandinava tour. the only thing which works against all that is the fact that my course will start september 15ths or somewhere there, and not october. damn it. but awesome tour, isn't it?
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| afraid |
[17 Oct 2007|08:15am] |
what if I am too tired and start crying infront of the screen again, like I did yesterday? not because I am afraid, but because I am tired and my eyes couldn't stand the screen light.
what if I misunderstand the texts, or the lectures, or what if the speaking section is too hard?
what if I have a black out? If I forget every english word I ever learned?
what if I screw up?
totally? I mean completely?
I do not want this. fuck. fuck fuck. give me coffee. and tv (if I am allowed to quote blur here)
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| going through the motions |
[16 Oct 2007|10:02am] |
tired. sad. anxious. angry. confused. afraid. nervous. wants it to be over. pissed.
tired. because julia had to call me at 9.24am this morning. thanks a lot.
sad. because I feel lonely. and I want to read mails. I want to have someone to send mails to.
anxious. tomorrow. do I have to say more?
angry. because of my grandma
confused. because of my grandma and her behavior. I should talk to her, but I am afraid of the result. What if it all ends in a terrible fight, I won't be able to concentrate tomorrow, will ruin it and help.
afraid. tomorrow. and grandma. and mom.
nervous. because I'm tired. And because I will be in a fucking train in 24 hours.
wants it to be over. it=test
pissed. mom not telling me things. grandma behaving like that. not having a boyfriend. and I want to go out on friday. GODDAMNIT
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| I want candy. |
[15 Oct 2007|11:28am] |
it sounds like my mom is dying downstairs. her cold, or more precisely it's acutally just a cough, seems to get worse and worse. but she doesn't stay in bed, acts like she is all well and crap. hopefully her doctor tells her to stay in bed for some days, because otherwise I will really start getting worried.
I want to go to the club night on friday. All except for one play house, electro and crap. But there are a couple fo clubs playing just electro, so that might be okay. And starting from 1am on, a DJ in the Sinkkasten plays indie/brit-pop/alternative. YAY! I have to go there. And I want to wear the shirt from Vero Moda for 39.30. The purple one. Have to buy that first then I guess. Whatever. I want to go there.
And I want Wednesday to be over. I want to be able to stop learning. I guess I am going to do another learning day today, get rid of my homework and take a look into maths as well. Then tomorrow just one essay, a couple of speaking excersises and that's it. It's gonna work, it has to.
Okay then, To Do for today.
do another complete test
english homework done
maths?! at least try
talk to ann on the phone
speaking with that guy I don't know the name of
that's it i guess. Gonna be okay. I just have to wake up first. Let's start with english, that should be easy. And I should be albe to find stuff online somewhere. hopefully.
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| english. |
[14 Oct 2007|06:58pm] |
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five and a half hours. argh. plus the one hour and fifteen minutes I practiced with my new (and apparentely not so great) speaking partner. But never mind. gonna find a way to get around our next to speaking dates. lala. free for today I guess.
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| essays for the world. |
[14 Oct 2007|12:40pm] |
I agree with the statement that the college years are the best time in a person's life. There are three different reasons which make me have that opinion.
Firstly, college is completely different from high school where there are certain classes everybody has to take, without regard of whether somebody wants to do mathematics or not. In college a student will choose his or her specialization and therefore will only go to classes which are related to the chosen subject. The motivation will be higher because the student will study subject he is interested in.
Secondly, every student will get more independent during college. For most of the people it is the first time they are living away from home for a longer time and have a lot of responsibilities resting on them. They have to care for their own food, have to manage their money so that it will be enough at the end of the month to pay the rent and if they are not living in a dormitory they also have to save money to pay the utility bills.
Finally, everybody will get to know a lot of different people in college. This includes both national and international students. Everybody will form friendships which are based on both interests and learning experiences and many people also found their later husband/wife during college years. So college is the time where everybody stars making new friends and finally is ready to leave home and never to come back again.
To sum up, these experiences will make the college years to the best time in every person's life. Making friendships which will last forever, gaining independence and taking interesting classes are proof enough for four great and interesting years.
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Designed by Jorn Utzon in 1956, the Sydney Opera House is part of the organic architecture which says that every building must fit in it's surroundings. Therefore the opera house had to have the appearance of a sailing ship as it is set in the harbor of Sydney.
Furthermore, the construction was connected with several problems such as the stabilizing of the shells which rose nearly 200 feet into the air and the fact that after ten years of building the opera house was not completed as it was too expensive.
Finally the architect Utzon quit from the project. After 17 years of construction and being completed by other architects, the opera house opened in 1973.
The professor classifies the building as unique because she is of the opinion that there is nothing alike in the rest of the world. The Sydney Opera house is not part of the international school which was set during the time when it was developed and therefore cannot be compared to any other building.
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There are a couple of advantages and disadvantages to having a lot of money and to just having enough money to make a living. Earning a lot of money can make your life a lot saver, but it can also ruin a person's personality. On the other hand, earn a comfortable living can result in a good social and confident life, but there is also a high risk of losing everything because there are not savings.
Earning a large amount of money can make people feel confident. One can feel secure because there will never be a time when he or she will not be able to pay the rent, these people will have food in their fridge and can go on vacation to different places without worrying about the price. This is clearly an advantage to having a lot of money.
On the other hand, it is very common that these people start prefering their money over their friends. This wil result in broken friendships and a lonely life for the person who is just caring about money.
In contrast to a bad social life which can be a result of too much money stands the person who earns enough to make a living. He or she will still care about friends and family, will help them where he can and is satisfied with his payment.
However, there is also the chance of losing the job and therefore ending up on the street. This way of life does not include any securities such as life insurances or savings.
In conclusion it can be said that one should find the line between these two life-styles. Earning a lot of money can make people happy and can also have good effects on the family and surrounded people. But he or she has to be careful not to overrate his belongings and should still care about social life. To be really satisfied in life everybody should be able to combine the advantes of both of them. The result will be a life with a lot of money and some good friends.
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In the reading, there are several points made about the jet stream. Wind which occurs up to 9 miles above ground is called the jet stream.
Furthermore, the jet stream can be compared to a river made out of air which moves weather patterns forward to other countries and continents.
In addition, the wind in the jet stream normally is moving faster than 57 miles an hour, but during winter the speed can increase up to 300 miles an hour. The faster speed in winter is a result of the bigger contrast between the Earth's temperature and the atmosphere.
In the lecture the professor gives the example of an airplane flying from Los Angeles to New York City. On it's way to New York it will take one hour less than on it's way back to Los Angeles. This is because of the jet stream offering tail wind which goes from west to east to the plane which can therefore travel a lot faster. On the other hand it is going to have ahead wind when it is traveling back to Los Angeles and will need one hour more. Furthermore, there will be more turbulences and more fuel will be needed.
In conclusion, the points made in the lecture support the reading.
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| take me on a journey. |
[13 Oct 2007|09:37am] |
Take a long drive with me
On California one, California one
Take a long drive with me
On California one, California one
And the road a-winding goes
From Golden Gate to roaring cliff-side
And the light is softly low as our hearts
Become sweetly untied
Beneath the sun of California one
Take a long dram with me of California wine
And the wine, it tastes so sweet
As we lay our eyes to wander
And the sky, it stretches deep
Will we rest our heads to slumber
Beneath the vines of California wine?
Beneath the sun of California one?
Annabelle lies, sleeps with quiet eyes
On this sea-drift sun
What can you do?
And if I said, "Oh, it's in your head
On this sea-drift sun"
What can you do?
We're calling all bedwetters and ambulance chasers
Poor picker-pockets, bring them in
Come join the Youth and Beauty Brigade
We're lining up the light-loafere'd
And the bored bench warmers
Castaways and cutouts, fill it up
Come join the Youth and Beauty Brigade
Nothing will stand in our way
I figured I had paid my debt to society
By paying my overdue fines
At the Multnoma County Library
At the library they said, "Son, go join up
Go join the Youth and Beauty Brigade"
Nothing will stand in our way
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| preparing for the next big thing |
[12 Oct 2007|05:10pm] |
two and a half hours. again. yes, I am a bit proud of myself.
and a good essay, I guess.
In the lecture, the professor made several points about a new theory anthropologists developed. This theory says that instead of bread, beer was the first food ancient people prepared out of grain.
However, the reading contends that bread was the first food people from the early ages made out of whole grain.
The professor‘s lecture casts doubt on the reading by using a number of points that are contrary to the idea of bread being the first food.
The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that it was certainly a lot easier for ancient people to figure out how to prepare beer instead of bread. According to the professor, the developing process from grain to beer goes over fermentation which comes immediately after wheat sprouses. The point made by the professor casts doubt on the reading because there it says after having crushed grain for the first time, they just had to add water to get the paste they needed to prepare bread.
Another point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is the fact that no people from ancient times would have thought about holding their food over fire. The professor claims that people were used to eating their food as they hunted it, without any cooking. However, the reading states that once the ancient people had the paste which consisted of water and flour they just had to hold it over open fire to receive bread. This point is contradicted by the professor demonstrating that people did not think of cooking their food.
In conclusion, the points made in the lecture contrasts with the reading. The fact that ancient people were not used to prepare their food before eating and that it was a lot easier to come up with the idea of making beer instead of bread demonstrate that the reading is in doubt.
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| me me me. |
[11 Oct 2007|04:55pm] |
nearly three hours learning for the test are over. okay, it's acutally just two and a half hours, but still. nearly three hours sound better. I got my rilo kiley and my new pornographers albums today. rilo kiley is strange (I will either have to get into it, or the album is bad) and the new new pornographers album is awesome. it's getting better up to the end of it, but the first few songs are good and okay, I really like that one. This makes me just regret even more that I cannot see them live. Hopefully they will not split up and work on another album and go on tour again. or they have to become more famous in germany, so they can go on tour again. if both things happen I will be even happier.
about my turning into a blonde girl plans... I am going to save all the money I will touch. Which means the money my grandma will give me for going shopping for her (usually one or two euros), the money my uncle gives my mom when she went shopping for him and I get the money which is too much (most of the time about five to ten euros, depending on how much we spent) and all the money I find in pockets, pants, jackets, money which is lying around my room and money in bags. All this money is going to end up in one of my boxes and at the beginning of the winter holidays I will count it and make an appointment with janine to get a new haircut again and turn into a blonde girl. I guess that's a good idea.
not satisfied with my current facebook picture. I like it, but it's all unfocused and stuff. bleh.
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[10 Oct 2007|11:20pm] |
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the happenings from yesterday bother me. I shouldn't be writing about this, it's not worth it, but still. i will go te bed now and try to sleep. but I also feel like I have to get a new identity. and I am afraid of going to frankfurt alone tomorrow because he said he wants to meet me again. and he's probably even creepier than I think him to be. help. please.
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| not me. |
[09 Oct 2007|05:13pm] |
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I am wearing high heels, dark brown tights, a beige skirt with small, violet flowers on it, a black shirt, a lot of lipgloss and mascara. And I am on my way to the cinema to see ratatouille. And I am feeling gooood.
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| the book |
[08 Oct 2007|11:18pm] |
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open it to page 161.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.
George:
do you!... but she was a money baggage amongst other things.
- who's afraid of virgina woolf? by edward albee
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| why is it like that? |
[08 Oct 2007|09:58pm] |
I'm feeling sad. It started yesterday evening, approx. 8.15pm. Now it's 10pm, still sad. I felt okay the whole day, nothing special happened. Ben left at 2pm for his stuff, I was happy to be alone for some time. He's coming back in 45 minutes. Our last evening. I should probably talk to him a bit.
Our car is broken. Again. It doesn't start and I can't make the radio turn off again. So it's on. And the battery is going to die soon because of that. My mom doesn't seem to be angry or anything, her voice sounded strange on the telephone. I hope everything is okay, I really do.
Sean answered me. Yes, I wrote him. In my sad mood yesterday night. I wrote him. I didn't mention that I missed him or anything, I just wrote him. And he answered. And I answered back. Now I am waiting for an answer which probably will not come that fast. He treated me wrong. I'd be happy to say I do not miss him without lying. I do miss him. I miss the being near to each other. He was the man in my life for one year. He was the person who knew everything about me, until we started separating. Now I am alone again. And the relationship Sean-Alex needs a lot of updates, if there ever will be a relationship again. I hope so. I miss him as a friend. As a person to talk to, to lean on to. The mails were always awesome. Phonecalls replaced mails, for some time they existed parallel to each other, until first the mails died, then the phonecalls. The following death was a long one, which resulted in a dead relationship. Revitalization? I'd love to.
Marc wrote me as well. He wants to see me next weekend. Of course I won't go. But just the fact that he cannot let go of me, it's irritating. I want to be in a relationship with someone close. Someone who lives in germany. Yeah, 200km distance, not more, would be really cool, but I'd be fine with germany as a restriction.
It bothers me that Björn stopped answering. Okay, my last to mails were kind of the same all the time, but wasn't that the foundation for our correspondence? I mean, we always repeated ourselves, right? Because we, for some reason, have the same view of things all the time.
Why can't there be a guy with all the good attitudes of both Sean, Björn and Marc? Who has the music taste of Sean without the hiphop and Björn without the metal. Who has Sean's and Marc's humor. Someone who lives as near as Björn. And who gives me the safety Sean always gave me. The safety I felt when he was still in London. Someone who I can go and make all the stupid stuff I did with Sean and Marc. Mostely Sean, okay, but if I had had the courage I would have done so many damn stupid things with Marc, honestly. And for the appearance, either the Sean when he was still in London, or preferably, Colin Meloy. Is that too much to ask for? All these attitudes exist. These four guys are the evidence. They just have to be united to one person who is just for me. And nobody else.
God, a boyfriend in London would be awesome.
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[07 Oct 2007|08:30pm] |
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something is wrong. I don't know what it is. I'm feeling terrible. I'm fucking crying.
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| weird |
[05 Oct 2007|06:59pm] |
I'm not really in a writing mood, but I have to get rid of some things.
Benoit is a cool person. Weird, strange, but really really nice. I like him.
I learned for the test. the section was supposed to take me 90 minutes, I was finished after 57 minutes. It kinda scares me, because whatever I am doing with the test (except for the speaking section) I am always too fast. Is that good? I think so, yeah, because on the test date I will be so nervous that I need a lot more time. So actually, this is good, isnt it?
I am going to frankfurt tomorrow, no matter what benoit is saying to that. I have to go there. I need the book and I need frankfurt in general. maybe he will join, I dont care (okay, I preferably go there alone, but whatever), but Frankfurt, Starbucks and the cute guys are seeing me tomorrow in my best condition.
And he is not coming to wiesbaden with us. I have to talk to him about tomorrow, because I won't let tomorrow evening down. Tomorrow is guillaume-ann-dancing-eating-at-vapiano's-whatever-evening, and I am fucking looking forward to that.
thanks for listening.
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| no. 5 |
[04 Oct 2007|06:14pm] |
why am I so fucking fast with some of the essays? damn it. I mean, it's good, right? but confusing. I did that within 15 minutes.
Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Spending the money I just earned can be a lot of fun. Going shopping without worring about the price or just buying one item I always dreamt of can be very satisfying. But I am still of the opinion that it is better to save my money for some time in the future.
Firstly, the future is unpredictable, therefore you never quite know what is going to happen next. There can always be a some accident with a terrible ending in which I could be hurt so badly that I need rehabilitation for a couple of years and also therapy because my mind cannot cope with all the topics connected with this accident. My health insurance would most likely cover all these costs, but there is also the chance of being unable to work. Due to that reason it is better to have some money on your bank account which you saved for situations like these.
Furthermore, I am saving money because I want to be able to receive a good education. My mother is not able to pay for my time in college, hence I have to finance my studies with my own savings and scholarships. As I want to study a fine art subject there are a lot of additional costs for material such as canvas, colors, or good computer software.
Finally, I also want my children to be able to have a good education. Once I graduated from college and got married I want to open a fund for my children and regulary put money on there so that they do not have the problem I find myself in right now.
To sum up, saving money is a better option than spending it all at once. Having some additional money on your bank account gives you the guarantee that there will always be some kind of backup-plan for unfortunate situations.
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